Communication breakdown

I recently bought a postcard which reads Men Are From Earth, Women Are From Earth: Deal With It.

This sentiment gets my wholehearted support. I get incensed by the idea that women and men are somehow so alien to each other that special tactics need to be employed to get messages across the divide. How patronising to us all, and how divisive.

But then as a nice middle class feminist who lives with a man who can cook and works for an organisation that mainstreams gender, maybe I would say that.

And every now and again, something happens that makes me wonder.

It goes like this. Miles's friend A is having a party, with some other people. Miles asks me if I want to go. I will know only a few people, and there is quite a high chance his ex-wife will be there, possibly knowing the same few people. It's not top on my list of ideal nights out.

But when you live with someone, you have to do these things sometimes, so I say I will go.

The day before, it transpires that A wants to play some live music, and has asked Miles and C, one of the few people I will know, to play too. And that Miles has said yes.

I say hanging around at said party without him is a completely different proposition from going to said party with him, and that my lukewarm desire to go has evaporated. In fact, to be blunt, if he is playing I am not going. And he should have figured that out.

Miles says yes, he should have figured that out. Maybe he shouldn't play.

A says he can't see what the problem is.

And behind that is a silent "therefore there should not be a problem".

I think he may be from Mars.

It was A's party so he got his gig. I stayed at home and curled my hair in readiness for the second party of the evening, M's 18th, where I also only knew a few people but they were all Earthlings.

joella