Wednesday, March 15, 2006

T.E.S.C.O.

(In subversive Ottowan stylee)

It is T, gargantuan
It is E, ubiquitous
It is S, inescapable
It is C, unethical
It is OoooooooooOOOOOOOOHHHHoooooooooooHHHHHH

I hate Tesco as an entity, but they bring stuff to my door. And better than that, they usually bring me something I didn't quite ask for, but which is just weird enough to add value to an experience which would otherwise feel a little dirty.

Example 1: last time. Last time, we got double everything except the refrigerated goods. What added value was a) that we didn't have to pay double and b) that M (who received the order) thought it was perfectly within the bounds of possibility that I might have ordered 32 toilet rolls and 24 litres of fizzy water. It was only when he unpacked two tins of mustard powder that he suspected something might be amiss.

Example 2: this time. The delivery man (preternaturally cheerful) assured us the order was all present and correct. And it was, except we had three packets of Knorr Minestrone instead of three of Knorr Chicken Noodle (acceptable error, if annoying), and... thirteen random limes.

Why limes? Why 13? Why did the man (who independently reminded us both of M's ex's on again off again boyfriend) suggest we check our order 'just in case'?

Are we part of something bigger and more surreal?

Oh I do hope so.

joella

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