Something is lost, something is found

Today I am thinking about all the people I love who have lost a parent. Or both parents. My parents both fall into the latter category, as does Miles himself, but I myself fall into neither yet. Long may it last. My lovely friend N once said to me that the world was divided into people who have lost a parent and people who haven't (she has). I think she was right.

People can be divided in lots of ways. Those who have children, those who don't. Those who tend towards action, those who tend towards inaction. E and I, N and S, F and T, J and P. Believers and non-believers. Eaters of animals and vegetarians. Forgivers and forgetters, grudge holders and rememberers. (me: no children, inaction, ENFP, non-believer, vegetarian, grudge holder and rememberer).

All these last you can do something about. There are other things that you just are -- male or female, gay or straight or bi, black or white or Asian or Jewish or mixed race. These all matter too, naturally. (me: female, straight, white, a bit Jewish).

But losing a parent transcends both and everything. It's inevitable, if you live long enough, at least in this part of the world.

And this is the right way round. It's what should happen. Michelle Shocked once said that the secret to a long life was knowing when it's time to go, and somebody else said that everyone's got to go sometime, and they were both right, but when it fucking happens it's fucking awful.

I've just been reading Tennyson's In Memoriam:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

joella