Santa Claus is coming to town...

... which is nice, but I wish he'd come to my house. Early. About now. And stay till the 6th of January (even as a lapsed Catholic, I daren't keep my decorations up a day longer).

What am I on about? Those huge light-up Santas that people put on the outside of their houses, only not on our street. On our street, the best you get is a tasteful set of outdoor fairy lights, and most people settle for a nice holly wreath on the door. (Or nothing at all, but if you're a student and you're going home, or you don't do Christmas that's fine. I let you off).

Surely this is wrong! Surely the whole point is to have the biggest light up Santa in town? I have seen them in garden centres. I have loitered round parts of town where they have good clean Christmas lights competitions (Magdalen Road is doing very well this year -- the old stalwarts on the corner near the bingo hall have some stiff competition from a truly fabulous nodding snowman fired from inside like a hot air balloon further down the street).

I was lucky enough once to be in Varanasi for Diwali, the Festival of Lights. Do they sit around having tasteful minimalist fireworks? They Do Not. Instead, the whole town is like a war zone as people let off the biggest, loudest, bangiest firecrackers they can lay their hands on, and parade down the street with hats made of neon light tubes, accompanied by portable diesel generators. Way to go. More big light up Santas round here please.

joella

PS This is partly a plea to my housemates, who won't let me -- and S's bedroom is the one at the front, so she gets to dictate how many things are plugged in via her window.

PPS I should also point out that I went to school in Blackpool, where they do lights properly.