Special dispensation

I believe in monogamy. Or more specifically, in serial monogamy -- one person in your bed and by your side for your whole adult life is a lovely idea but how many people do you know who actually manage that? Not many. We all grow and change, relationships stop working, people break up. But I do believe you should only do one at a time.

I don't approve of dirty shaggers: if you want to sleep around that's fine, but make sure you're free to and use a condom. If you're not free to, then don't: if you want someone else badly enough to leave the person you're with then you shouldn't be with them anymore anyway, and if you don't want someone else *that* badly, then deal with it.

And most of the time, it's as simple as that. That's the line I walk, it's one of those non-negotiables. I don't eat meat, I brush my teeth every night no matter what state I'm in, I don't sleep with more than one person at a time. However you look at it.

And I take this very seriously. I even find it hard to fantasise about other people, because that means I have to fantasise the person I'm with out of the way first, and by the time I've been through that process (amnesia? job abroad? paralysis from waist down?) and all the associated guilt, I've often gone right off the boil.

Which is why, being a literal sort of girl, I came up with the Special Dispensation, a pre-negotiated arrangement which allows me to sleep with a specified person as a one-off without having to split up first, should the situation ever arise, which of course it won't, but I am anxious and believe in Being Prepared.

For at least ten years the SD applied to Billy Bragg, a reasonably accessible rock star, but the closest I ever got was being sick at his feet -- this was probably a bit too close, certainly for him. Around this time he also lost his appeal, which might have been a consequence of that humiliating experience outside a club toilet but I think had more to do with his embracing of his 'dad' status and getting together with The Blokes. It's just all too matey and not at all sexy these days.

And so the post fell vacant, though Ani DiFranco probably merited it for a while.

But I have realised it should really go to Nick Cave. He writes songs about love and sex and death that make me want to scream, and he just keeps getting better. I don't want to use my SD on someone about whom people say "well, I prefer the early stuff". Amazon said of Nocturama (just out): its heartstopping beauty is nothing short of life affirming. I couldn't agree more. I'd do him.

joella