Tuesday, February 05, 2008


I have just done a Bad Thing by accident. I feel the need to confess. Blame my nun-sprinkled childhood, or blame my anxiety that my Firefox history will be stolen along with my identity and printed on the Guardian Women's Page and everyone will think I went looking. But I didn't.

It came about because I got some money for my birthday from my parents. I spent it on clothes from Gudrun Sjoden, being as how a) I love some of her stuff, b) I can't normally afford it but c) as well as having birthday money, there was a sale on.

I got a wraparound cardigan, which is the most grown up item of clothing I've ever had and which is lovely. I got some trousers, which are itchy and too big and going back. I got some little shoe-boot things, which already look like they were born on my feet, and, on a whim, I got a pair of black-with-greeny-blue-diamonds-on tights.

I bought the tights in L, which is my top-half Gudrun Sjoden size, but, it turns out, not my bottom half size. These tights, from waistband to toe, are about as long as my whole body. I thought they might be specially designed to stretch sideways, so I gave them a go anyway. They look great as long as I am holding a fistful of fabric halfway up each thigh, but basically, there's no getting away from the fact that these tights are getting on for a foot too long.

I'd worn them, so I couldn't send them back, so I figured my options were

a) Sell them on eBay
b) Give them away to a taller person
c) Cut off the tops and turn them into stockings
d) Cut off the bottoms and turn them into leggings

Gudrun Sjoden stuff sells really well on eBay, in fact that is how I came by my favourite summer skirt, but a lot of it is BNWT (probaby as it's all mail order in the UK so easy to buy something that doesn't really work for you but which you don't get round to sending back) and I wasn't sure there was a market for already-worn tights. So I went to have a look.

MISTAKE! You would not *believe* the market for already-worn tights. The more worn the better, if you get my drift. The first ad I saw stated that the tights were 'nearly worn through on the knees' and I thought 'but why would anyone want...'


And I've learnt a new bit of jargon, which is obviously to keep eBay happy: these ads are at pains to state that tights are 'gently laundered' before posting. Very gently, I suspect. So gently you would hardly know it.

I won't be selling my used tights on eBay. The fact that they are clean as a whistle (I left them in the machine for the 95 degree maintenance wash in a vain attempt to shrink them) and more Nora Batty than Linda Lovelace wouldn't do much for my feedback.

Back to the list of options then. Anyone know a 6'4" woman?



Blogger Kaethe said...

I'm sorry, but that's hilarious.

2:34 am  
Blogger Jeremy Dennis said...

oh noes ...

reminds me of the time I got a photo of dead festival shoes favourited by sock guy on flickr

it happens to us all!

10:39 am  
Blogger Spine said...

Careful, I suspect tights used by giant women probably carry a massive premium.

7:42 am  

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