The wind goes right through you, it's no place for the old
1. I either don't go anywhere or I go a long, long way away.
2. If the former, a project management approach is adopted. I cannot muddle along tinsel-headed having a gay old time.
3. I do not enter a city centre on a Saturday or watch any commercial TV station at any time for the two months previous.
4. I get horribly drunk on mulled wine early enough in the season to hate myself for several days afterwards and adopt a more balanced approach to subsequent festivities.
5. The house looks as much like Blackpool Illuminations as environmental conscience can allow.
6. Nobody makes me play charades. In fact nobody makes me do anything.
7. At a time of my choosing, I get to eat a whole tin of Roka Cheese Crispies to myself while watching Morse in a misanthropic funk.
Beyond this, terms are negotiable.