Shake your UTI
Marvellous. I have a urinary tract infection. That will serve me right for enjoying myself.
When I was a child, I had a gazillion of these. Nobody knows why. I had my own little box of soft toilet paper that I kept in my tray at primary school, thus saving me from the shiny stuff that was printed 'Lancashire County Council. Now wash your hands please'. That was a bonus. Less of a bonus were various operations, months and months of antibiotics, and a steady stream of doctors poking around 'down there', but I'm sure it all contributed to my enduring fascination with water generally and toilets in particular.
I haven't had a UTI for years, though. I know exactly what to do to avoid one (look it up on NHS Direct if you need to know, but if you need to know you probably already do know) and I am usually pretty good at it. I blame the inflaming sambuca. Still, a New Year's Eve based on cranberry juice and no sudden movements won't do me any harm.