In the gravy

(click image for a bigger version)

I've blogged before about the parallel universe of online grocery shopping, but until now those woah! moments have all been when they actually turn up on the doorstep with something almost, but not entirely, unlike the stuff you ordered.

Tonight, having reviewed the to do list for the next week, I thought the Tesco delivery charge would be justified and the random grocery risk worth taking. I also like the fact that, evil multinational though they may be, they take away all your carrier bags for recycling. (I feel oppressed by carrier bags - can't throw them away, can't burn them. I do have string bags, and a bike pannier, but still the plastic accumulates. I don't know where it comes from. But anyway.)

Now last time I went to India you couldn't buy tampons for love nor money, and while things may have changed in the last three years (can you *be* a superpower in waiting while still requiring women to use Big Pads?) I thought I should stock up. Hence search for Tampax, as I am fairly brand-loyal on this front, though I should point out that I would never buy a san-pro product with a name including the word 'Fresh', as that is clearly a euphemism for 'Includes chemicals that irritated the eyes of rabbits', and why would you stick those up yourself?

But also squarely on the list of things I would not stick up myself is 'Antony Worral Thompson Onion Gravy'. Some Tesco techie smoked too much weed before his algorithm class, maybe. Or maybe the Revolutionary Communists, who I seem to remember had an ideological objection to tampons back in the late 80s, are subverting the capitalist system from the inside.

Or maybe... what? M came down to top up his Shiraz, looked at the screen for a while, and said 'well, it's an easy mistake to make'.

It'll be interesting to see what they actually deliver.

joella

T.E.S.C.O.

(In subversive Ottowan stylee)

It is T, gargantuan
It is E, ubiquitous
It is S, inescapable
It is C, unethical
It is OoooooooooOOOOOOOOHHHHoooooooooooHHHHHH

I hate Tesco as an entity, but they bring stuff to my door. And better than that, they usually bring me something I didn't quite ask for, but which is just weird enough to add value to an experience which would otherwise feel a little dirty.

Example 1: last time. Last time, we got double everything except the refrigerated goods. What added value was a) that we didn't have to pay double and b) that M (who received the order) thought it was perfectly within the bounds of possibility that I might have ordered 32 toilet rolls and 24 litres of fizzy water. It was only when he unpacked two tins of mustard powder that he suspected something might be amiss.

Example 2: this time. The delivery man (preternaturally cheerful) assured us the order was all present and correct. And it was, except we had three packets of Knorr Minestrone instead of three of Knorr Chicken Noodle (acceptable error, if annoying), and... thirteen random limes.

Why limes? Why 13? Why did the man (who independently reminded us both of M's ex's on again off again boyfriend) suggest we check our order 'just in case'?

Are we part of something bigger and more surreal?

Oh I do hope so.

joella