Looking after number two

This week, Year of Living Healthily (DAY A HUNDRED AND THREE!) moved up a gear. In fact, it moved up my bum.

On Wednesday I went to see a quite severe yet rather glamorous ("I don't drink gin anymore because I just like it too much") nurse turned colonic hydrotherapist. She gave me a strong detox talking to, wrote a list of the things I am not allowed to eat for the next six weeks, and then got to work.

It wasn't quite what I was expecting. I mean, obviously I was expecting something involving tubing, warm water and slight indignity, but I did figure it would be a one off, a bit like getting your legs waxed. You go in, go through it, pay, leave, think 'why do I do this to myself', then think, 'oh, but it's worth it'. I didn't count on the full-on colon cleanse experience that I suddenly seem to have embarked upon. But apparently just washing out your bum does not a healthy colon make.

Instead, a healthy colon involves a spell of not eating wheat, or anything made from cow's milk, because these are hard to digest. Then it involves no alcohol -- this at least I know I can do -- but, far more frighteningly, no caffeine. Plus some herbs and some husky things and some Aloe Vera. It's all explained on the Cytoplan website.

And on top of all that I get four more 'colonics'. If you say it quickly it makes you think of tonics, which are good things and do not involve any poo.

I was wondering what do to with all the cash I am saving from not drinking. Instead of pissing it away I am sticking it up my bum.

joella