The dynamics of the provisional

I nearly cancelled dinner with J last night, but I am very glad I didn't. She is older and wiser than I am and always gives me a new way to look at things – a different perspective, or a philosophical framework I wasn't aware of. There's not much new under the sun, when it comes down to it, and sometimes I think growing up is basically about working that out.

I was talking about my bad cold, and how I seemed to have been ill a lot recently, which I was finding hard because I need energy and initiative and optimism to help me make the transition from a full time job to a more flexible life. It's all down to me, see, if I don't make it happen then nobody else will, and if I'm going to lie around feeling sorry for myself two days a week then I might as well be doing it in an office, cos then at least I'd be getting paid. And even if I'm not ill, how do I know when to take a risk, and how far should I push it, and how many baskets should I have my eggs in exactly? It's all so... hard sometimes. Am I a fool? Am I making a very expensive point of principle? Etc.

She's in a sort of a risky place too, though a very different one, and she told me about the dynamics of the provisional. I think this idea, first articulated by Immanuel Kant, essentially posits that transitional states are difficult, and you have to allow them to be so if they are to deliver what they could. To impose control, draw lines, or jump ship too soon stops things running their course. It's not comfortable, but it's ok. In fact it's necessary. Water finds its own level eventually.

I ate my bouillabaisse and drank my Sambuca and felt a whole heap better. And in return I recommended Pan's Labyrinth. I *wanted* to recommend Standing in the Way of Control - perfect for jumping up and down to while wrestling with the dynamics of the provisional - but she's more of an opera person. I am sure there are arias that say much the same thing.

joella