Hello bathroom my old friend

Our journey home was as straightforward as any journey involving a long haul flight taking off at 0400 could be. We had checked in online the day before, sitting in a seaside internet cafe, choosing our plane seats and still not really believing this kind of thing really works. But it does.

At the airport the very beautiful woman at the bag drop desk told us that the flight was overbooked and tried very hard, using all her beauty, to get us to bounce ourselves onto a later flight (via Delhi) in exchange for £250. Each. We looked at each other. My look said 'I haven't had a solid bowel movement for the last five days. This flight is already eleven hours long. It's already one in the morning. I have a special meal booked. I have an aisle seat near the toilet booked. Mad as it may sound, I do not want this £250 as much as I want my own bathroom'.

We smiled at the very beautiful woman and said no thanks. She smiled back and said 'well, as we are so full, I have moved you into the next cabin. Have a nice flight.'

I have never been upgraded on a flight in my life before! OK, it was only to World Traveller Plus, so it wasn't like getting a sleeper suit and smoked salmon on silver plates or anything, but we got big seats and preferential toilet access. I like to think this was my karmic reward for turning down the cash.

But the best reward of all was getting in the bath. India has much to love and much to miss, but a hot bath gets to the places that a jug and bucket just can't reach.

So now I just have to try and work out what time it is in my body, and get my head round how quiet it is in this country. I feel like I'm waiting for my brain to descramble and my ears to pop.

joella