For every hand extended, another lies in wait...

... keep your eye on that one. Anticipate.

So said Ani DiFranco many years ago, but it's not so easy when you're trying to anticipate someone who is a) nutso and b) (deliberately?) inconsistent.

So here's plan B.

1. Seethe, but quietly. In the background. On the back burner. Keep seething, but try not to boil in public. Be like a watched pot.

2. Use obscene language occasionally and unexpectedly, but with great force. 'Well, I see where you're coming from, but if you don't mind me saying so you're taking the FUCKING PISS'.

3. Be disarmingly (to the point of inappropriately) open about your feelings at all times. 'If you insist on taking this approach, well, I'm just going to undermine it, like anyone else would, because it's bonkers'.

4. Out the views of others by making your own clear, and once you have friends in new places, cackle wildly with them whenever you can and make Murder on the Orient Express style plans.

5. When unavoidable, agree to what you have to and then do what you were planning to do anyway.

6. Develop exit strategy while smiling, smiling, smiling.

7. Remember, if all else fails, there's always red wine and being paid to have a hangover.

joella